Saturday, June 9, 2012

A New Road

"Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself over to it."  -- Buddha 

Last week I wrote this long blog post about my disappointment in my family's lack of interest in what I'm doing.  It was deep and heart-felt and... it was beautiful.  You'd have loved it.  I had put it aside to soak before I edited and posted it.  Now I hope I never post it.

Thursday I had a long talk with my boss about my decision to look at other positions within the company.  I was telling him why I was leaving:  better working atmosphere, better process, a better fit for me in general.  But as our discussion progressed it started to dawn on me that sliding into something comfortable is the last thing I'm looking for in my life right now.

I tend to blame other people when I'm not happy

The more I described what I wanted in my career the more I wanted to get it for myself.  If I don't like the process in my department, I should work on gathering consensus to make the change I think we need.  If I can't get that consensus, I'll probably learn something and maybe get involved in something even better.  If I don't like the atmosphere, I can make it better pretty quickly by changing my own attitude.

Now, I'm not really good at putting myself out there to make mistakes and taking a stand at the risk of making people dislike me.  But in this short time I've been focused on becoming a triathlete I'm starting to realize that attaining meaningful achievements rarely happens easily and they wouldn't be as meaningful if it did.

I know at some point I'm going to have to get in a pool with fitter athletes in all my overweight glory.  It's killing me.  After this little epiphany, though, I'm realizing that that may be the best part.  I could have my eyes opened a little in to how wonderful and open other people can be.  Or I can learn that I can take a little snickering and still kick some ass.

I haven't even gotten on the bike, yet, and I've already learned so much from this journey.  I'm going to start applying this feeling to everything I do and see where it takes me.  I can't wait.

1 comment:

  1. "I know at some point I'm going to have to get in a pool with fitter athletes in all my overweight glory." ---- I understand this sentence completely and...must also dislike at the same time. :)
    First of all, the thing you have to remember is that everyone is so self-absorbed that no one will really pay attention to you getting in the pool. Second, you will find that each time it gets easier, until you don't even care that you are in a swimsuit. I promise. :) You can do it. I love reading about your journey.