Friday, April 20, 2012


The whole secret of existence is to have no fear. Never fear what will become of you, depend on no one. Only the moment you reject all help are you freed.
-- Buddha 

My whole life has been about trying to make that first move; that first step.  It hasn't mattered if I've been going for a run, writing a paper or cleaning house.  Pretty much everything I do.  Maybe I'm missing a gene that lets me just do the things I want or need to do.  Maybe it's some ridiculous mental block because I was forced to use a potty too soon.

Whatever it is, I just need to get past it one more time.  This time I want to take that first step to never hesitating again.  I know in my head that if I can fight it some finite number of times more I can overcome a lifetime of inertia for good.

I do have some real barriers in my life.  For one, I suffer from insomnia.  I can go weeks without a compete night's sleep.  Between work, a very active daughter and a desire to spend some time with my family every night, a poor night's sleep can make getting up early for a work out nearly impossible.  It makes everything I do harder; especially eating right.  I crave the worst food when I'm that tired.

I'm embarrassed to admit I've only had one workout since my first post.  Some of that was insomnia but what I really worry is holding me back is my all time biggest barrier: Fear.  Fear of doing poorly has prevented me from trying so many things I would have loved to try.  Acting, singing, writing, working at a company like Google.  It keeps me from my dreams at every turn.

This next week I am concentrating on not being afraid to fail.  I'm going to keep working on this blog and not worry that people won't read it.  I'm going to exercise and not worry about getting every thing perfect or even finishing.  I'm going to eat the best I can, track it the best I can and live with it.  I'm going to start starting and I know once I do that, I can't be stopped.


  1. I'm feeling your pain right now. I'm having a hard time taking the next step, and I'm a fellow insomniac. So I say... we step forward fearlessly... you can. I can. No fear. Deal? : )

  2. It's a deal as long as I don't have to paint my toenails blue. :-)

  3. It is almost frightening how my inner-most monologue has appeared in writing on your blog. Fear of failure prevents me from doing almost on a daily basis. I wish you great success in your journey. Please share with your readers when you discover the key to being the master of your own universe..

  4. Trifatty, I definitely want to see you in blue toenail polish

  5. I think most of us have felt this way. I know I have. For myself, I have to believe that every step is a good step and give myself permission to do what I can do, try for a little more beyond that, and be thankful and happy enough that I want to try again. As to being a writer, it looks like you've already started to capture attention and hook your readers. :-)